"So what are we going to do tonight, Brain?"

Well, it looks like we have a plan.

Since my miscarriage, I haven't even been able to think about trying again. The thought was too painful, and made me so anxious that it would make me physically ill. Over the past several weeks, we have had Casey's brother here with his 2 year old daughter, his other brother with his two kids (ages 6 and 1 1/2), so I have been able to play Aunt Lyndsey every weekend for the past month. Casey mentioned that it looks like we're at a point that it looks like I'm ready to try again to be a mommy.

I didn't realize it until he mentioned it, but I think I am.

BUT, we have a plan. Last time, we jumped in with the Clomid not even considering that I might not be able to carry a pregnancy to term....and we were devastated. This time, we have the "ifs" in place, so we know what we can, and will do if this happens again.

Dr. E said that she was going to refer me to a fertility specialist if the Clomid didn't take. Fortunately for me, I have a fertility specialist in my own family...and I have access to a fertility lab, I just have to ask.

I am going to go on Clomid again. We are going to do three cycles (no more than three). If after three cycles I'm still not pregnant, I am going to call Uncle Joe. If I get pregnant again, but miscarry, I am going to call Uncle Joe. I am not going to try a third time on Clomid and have more miscarriages, because it's not easy for me to get pregnant. Miscarriages suck, no matter how you look at it...but when you have to try as hard as I do to get pregnant, it makes it that more sucky.

Casey is looking for another job, and right now I'm under his insurance. (For those of you who know his job situation, you understand why he can't stay at this job for any longer than necessary). When he starts his new job, I can transfer us both to my insurance, and can start on the Clomid again. But, considering the job market right now...that might not happen for awhile. So, if he doesn't find one by the end of the summer, we'll try then.

Man, trying to make a baby really sucks.